ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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