I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize