What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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