he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
