Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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