i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
