I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize