please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
3 2 1 whiskey
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
