She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
