Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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