the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
