you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
