Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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