dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
