is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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