Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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