I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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