I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
