I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
