i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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