you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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