just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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