at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
