just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize