Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
