I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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