she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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