OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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