i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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