I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize