woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
