i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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