dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
