Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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