Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
God I need to hump something, right now.
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