ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
