just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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