she woke up with a sticky ear
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
