Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
