So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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