Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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