watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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