Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize