Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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