I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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