he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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