i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
