So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Come on in and take your pants off
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