Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
