last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
