if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
