This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
