I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
