Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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