tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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