Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
