its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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