I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
