New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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