new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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