whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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