some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
