life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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