I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
